Adele
said she worried she's made "the worst decision of her life" after she
had her son, but talking honestly with other mothers about her
postpartum depression helped her do what she needed to do to take care
of herself.
The 28-year-old star said she probably will not have another
child, citing Konecki's daughter from a previous marriage as her
"get-out-of-jail-free card" when it comes to giving Angelo a sibling.
"I’m too scared," she said. "I had really bad postpartum depression
after I had my son, and it frightened me.”
The 10-time Grammy winner — who is in the middle of a 43-city
world tour after her incredibly successful albums, most recently "25,"
cemented her status as an international icon — said that her postpartum
depression left her feeling "very inadequate" even though she was
completely in love with her son. "I felt like I'd made the worst
decision of my life," she told the magazine, admitting that she and "all
her friends" felt pressure to have kids "because that's what adults
do."
After Angelo was born, Adele said she found herself gravitating
toward pregnant women and other mothers. "I found they’re a bit more
patient," she said. "You’ll be talking to someone, but you’re not really
listening, because you’re so f---in’ tired."
But other moms, she said, got it. "My friends who didn’t have
kids would get annoyed with me,” she said, “whereas I knew I could just
sit there and chat absolute mush with my friends who had children, and
we wouldn’t judge each other. One day I said to a friend, ‘I f---in’
hate this,’ and she just burst into tears and said, ‘I f---in’ hate
this, too.’ And it was done. It lifted."
Adele then decided to give herself one afternoon away from the
baby to do anything she wanted, a decision she said makes her a better
mom because she is taking better care of herself. She said that she
found that several of her friends felt the same way she did, but were
too embarrassed to talk about it until they realized they weren't alone.
Though she feels guilt about not being able to put Angelo to bed
some nights while she is on tour, the singer is still being honest
about the conflicting feelings that come along with motherhood: "I love
my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or
two, I wish I could do whatever the f--- I wanted, whenever I want.
Every single day I feel like that.”
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